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 OMG I Made a funny!

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Brandon

Brandon

Number of posts : 78
Age : 108
Registration date : 2008-12-29

PostSubject: OMG I Made a funny!   Fri Feb 06, 2009 1:22 am

Post Your jokes here: lol!
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Zee-Man
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Zee-Man

Number of posts : 145
Age : 26
Location : Fort Collins, CO
Registration date : 2008-12-24

PostSubject: Re: OMG I Made a funny!   Fri Feb 06, 2009 9:40 pm

So I'm fucking this chick up her cooch and I go to put it in her ass right? She say's "Isn't it mighty presumptutious of you to assume I want your cock in my ass?" So I say, "Isn't presumptutious a mighty big word for a ten year old?"

For some reason that never gets old.


Last edited by Zee-Man on Sat Feb 07, 2009 1:22 am; edited 1 time in total
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Zee-Man
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Zee-Man

Number of posts : 145
Age : 26
Location : Fort Collins, CO
Registration date : 2008-12-24

PostSubject: Re: OMG I Made a funny!   Fri Feb 06, 2009 9:44 pm

Womens' Rights.
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Zee-Man
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Zee-Man

Number of posts : 145
Age : 26
Location : Fort Collins, CO
Registration date : 2008-12-24

PostSubject: Re: OMG I Made a funny!   Sat Feb 07, 2009 1:28 am

A daughter who lives in the south wants to to go out partying with her friends. She asks her dad:

"Dad, can I borrow the truck tonight?"

"Well, that depends."

"What?" She says.

"Suck my dick and I'll let you borrow the truck."

Appalled, she begins to suck her dad's dick. 5 minutes in, she says

"Dad, your dick tastes like SHIT!"

"Oh yeah, your brother has the truck."


Lol
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Brandon

Brandon

Number of posts : 78
Age : 108
Registration date : 2008-12-29

PostSubject: Re: OMG I Made a funny!   Sat Feb 07, 2009 7:18 pm

Insults:
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

After talking to you, I know why animals eat their young.

Sorry, I don't speak "shit-head".

Were you born a worthless, slimy piece of shit, or did you have to work at it?

If I had to choose between you and "Full Blown AIDS", I'll take the AIDS.

If I want any shit out of you, I'll squeeze your head.

I'll bet your parents wish your mother swallowed.

You're gonna have a job with your name on your shirt.

Please face me when we’re speaking. You’re so shallow, you disappear when you stand in profile.

Your parents must have been shocked when you showed up. They were told that conception by anal sex was impossible.

Don’t feel too terribly bad. I think your low self-image is FULLY justified.

You must be the Second Coming. Only God could have been tough enough to fuck your Mama.

You wrinkled old bastard. Your face looks like Estelle Getty’s butt. (Bernard to Don Imus).

Ripley’s doesn’t believe you.

Your mother’s milk is donkey piss. (The Haj, Leon Uris)

You were a wasted fuck. Your old man should have rolled over and shot you on the wall.

Just how long ago DID you flatline?

I'm terribly sorry you’re so heartbroken, but you must understand that even the National Enquirer has standards.

You’re the reason most brothers and sisters don’t have sex.

Can you give me your parent's phone number? I want to scream "Do Over!" at them.

You’re the only person I know that goes to a dentist for a pedicure.

If your mother were Anna-Nicole Smith and your father George W. Bush, you'd probably be less fucked up.

And, You should have been a blow-Job
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Brandon

Brandon

Number of posts : 78
Age : 108
Registration date : 2008-12-29

PostSubject: Re: OMG I Made a funny!   Sat Feb 14, 2009 5:41 pm

A preacher, a politician and an engineer were led to the guillotine. The preacher was asked if he wanted to be face up or face down when he met his fate. The preacher said that he would like to lie face up so he would be looking toward heaven when he died. The blade of the guillotine was raised and released. It came speeding down and suddenly stopped, just inches from his neck. The authorities took this as divine intervention and released the preacher.

Next, the politician came to the guillotine, and he also decided to die facing up, hoping he would be as fortunate as the preacher. So the blade of the guillotine was raised again and released. It came speeding down and suddenly stopped just inches from his neck, so he was released as well.

The engineer was next, and he too decided to die facing up. The executioner slowly raised the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer said, "Hey, I see what the problem is..."
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